Hatred List

I was talking with C yesterday. I told him to be careful because I don't know what I would do without him. He half-jokingly told me that I would date or go back to my ex, meaning A's father. He doesn't get it. C has no idea how mad I still am at that sorry excuse for a guy. I still can't write the story about what happened here on this blog without crying about it even though it ended last year. How can C not see how much I hate that guy? Not only does he ignore how much I hate the guy but he even thinks I could ever like the jerk again. There are very few people that I intensely hate that C should be able to keep them straight.

People I Hate So Much That I Wish They Would Suffer Horrifically Painful Deaths That I Would Not Regret Wishing For:

1. A's bio-dad - manipulater, liar, thief, drug user, all around bad guy

2. Julius - This guy dated one of my friends when I just graduated high school. It was a tricky time in my life; most of my friends abandoned me at this point. I had one close friend who happened to be dating this jerk since before I was even friends with her. He used to sexually abuse me when she was asleep but I was always afraid to say something. I didn't want to risk losing her friendship if she didn't believe me. Finally when they broke up, I told her. He denied it, made up all sorts of lies about me, and even stooped so low as to vandalize my car. She believed me. This guy will always be always be on my hated list.

3. My Mom - A little care would go a long way. She made the list when she told me that I would never have suffered depression if I was less selfish, that I chose depression and it was completely my fault. I would still dream of cutting her from my life for all the other ways she's hurt me and cut me down over the years but that statement alone got her on my list.

I used to include my dad on this list too right alongside my mom. I thought he was just as bad as her. Now I don't think so. He still doesn't treat me the same as he does my brothers (they always got a lot more freedom) but I do think he cares about me. I kind of wish that my parents would get divorced so I wouldn't need to cut my dad out of my life alongside my mom. But whatever. My hatred for her is greater than my love for him.

My two brothers were both on the list at one point. One brother I got into many shouting matches with him, up to about three years ago. He made the list when he told me G was a huge mistake. Since then he's grown up a bit. I'll never be friends with him or even love him as one should love a brother but he's off my list. The other brother has a ton of friends who he loves to invite over through all hours of the night. They are never quiet either. He was on my list for keeping me up many, many times when I needed sleep the most. He's off the list because his problem is mostly his youth and my mother's influence. (When I was in college, trying to get a few hours of sleep between finishing up homework and G's first of many wake ups, my mom told me I shouldn't tell my brother and his friends to be quiet because their right to have fun is more important than my right to sleep.)

See, only three people on my list. I'm willing to forgive most forms of stupidity and insanity as long as it isn't willful and malicious. C should've had no problem realizing my hatred of A's bio-dad.