Insurance

I'm trying to get on C's insurance. Not only is military insurance one of the best (or so I've heard), it's also a lot cheaper than my policy through work. It's been a struggle to get added to his policy tho. I've had to send him social security cards and birth certificates for both me and A. He already had the documents for G. I also had to send him a copy of the marriage certificate and marriage license. Of course, I didn't realize I needed both. I had to make two trips to the courthouse to pick them up. I went on my lunch break twice this week. I even talked to the same lady both days. She's also the one who C and I applied for the license with. By the last day, she recognized me. She gave me the marriage license copy for free because she felt bad that I was there so often! (I'm extremely grateful for that, but it's still embarrassing!)

Even after all that, I'm still not done. C is going to send me a form I need to sign and notarize to get A on the insurance. See, A isn't biologically related to C. (I'll get into that story in another post. C is the only dad A has ever known and will ever know.) Right now A is on my insurance so I need her to be on C's. I can't even cancel my insurance until I know she's on his. She has another doctors' appointment in two months and I'm not paying out of pocket for that! Hopefully, I'll be able to finish taking care of my part today.

Loneliness - Beware Possible TMI

C and I were texting late last night and I realized I was... lonely, let's say. I don't normally get lonely like this. We are usually able to find some alone time quite frequently. But between bootcamp and returning from his 10 day leave, we haven't had as much time for sex as we used to. Since I get turned off when I touch myself, I'm left very frustrated. It's going to be a very long time until C gets back :(

Well, when we were texting, the subject of pictures comes up, sexy pictures. I'll be the first to admit, I'm prudish when it comes to this. I never had to be told not to take these kinds of pictures growing up because I was always hyper aware of what could happen. It could be so easy for those photos to be spread! I always thought these pictures would never be an option for me.

Now I'm considering it.

He's my husband and I trust him. He's gone for a long time. This could be a way for us to stay close sexually without me actually being there with him. As a benefit for me, I would get to feel sexy and less mom-like for a change. It might actually be fun.

But there are still many risks. C is very bad about losing his phones so it would be easy for the pictures to fall in the wrong hands. Plus this is really risky with kids. I would never want my kids to know I had done something like this! What if they found the picture when playing around with C's phone! That would be awful!

I really don't know if I should do it. Any suggestions?

Motherhood

A had her two month old check up yesterday. She's already 12 lbs! That puts her in the 80th percentile for her age! In her defense, she's also in the 80th percentile for height and head size so at least my big baby is proportionate. She's healthy and happy. Well, she was happy at the doctors' until she got her vaccinations. But she took it like a champ. She's so strong! One of my nicknames for her is "Muscles" because she's always been a strong baby.

In honor of A's healthy check up, I decided to reflect on these last (almost) four years I've been able to call myself a mother. I've changed a lot. That's compared to myself and compared to my peers. Here's a list of things I never expected about motherhood:

I Never Expected:

1. That I would be overjoyed that the man I love, loves another girl.

2. That another person's spit, vomit, poop, and pee would not gross me out.

3. That sleeping in is anything past 7 am.

4. That staying up past 10 pm is considered late.

5. That I could love someone so strongly without knowing anything about them but their name.

Two More Weeks

I was texting C yesterday. He's now back with the marines which is what it is. I wasn't happy when he joined the marines but that's his decision and I must respect it. The problem is that he got in trouble right away when he arrived. They told him at bootcamp that he wasn't supposed to get married on his ten day leave. Oops. Now he isn't allowed to start his next step in training for two more weeks. This means he has to stay two weeks longer! You may be thinking: well, what's two weeks when he signed up for four years?

Two weeks is a big deal! That's two weeks that G will miss his dad. That's two weeks of milestones for A that he'll miss. That's two weeks I won't get to hug him or kiss him. Two weeks can be a very long time when you are missing so much.

This is so uncool for the marines to do this. He got married! It's not like he got arrested. In the real world, this is something to celebrate, not punish him for. He isn't some kid who got married to someone he barely knows. He's twenty-five and we've known each other for five years. He made an adult decision and they grounded him for it. Ugh, this is yet another reason I wish he hadn't enlisted.

Dreary Day

It's a very dreary morning. It's raining and dark and not as warm as it was. In this kind of weather, I can't roller blade to the train station like I normally do. Roller blading is my favorite part of my commute! It's one of my favorite hobbies! Just another sign it's going to be a bad day. 

C returned to California yesterday evening. I won't see him again for a while. It could be up to a year! Understandably, G was upset yesterday. He had trouble sleeping and was very clingy. Poor G. We try to explain this as daddy has to go to work to make money to buy him Thomas toys. (G is obsessed with Thomas the Tank Engine.) He still gets very sad though. 

Knowing that he wouldn't sleep very well, my parents offered to let him sleep in their bed so I could get some sleep whenever I wasn't up with A. Turns out A didn't like this plan. She normally wakes up only twice a night: at 12 and at 3. Last night she was awake every two hours! Ugh, no catching up on sleep for me. Only 18 more years until I can sleep normally! 

All in all, I'm expecting today to be a bad day :(

Trouble Already?

I was out with C this weekend and I noticed something. He already wasn't wearing his wedding ring. How concerned should I be about this? He said he took it off so his friends wouldn't see and give him grief about it. It's like he's ashamed to be with me :( 

To be fair to him let me explain our past. We met at a job at a grocery store back in 2007. It was great, we had amazing chemistry, and everything seemed perfect. Then we broke up. This was the start of our cycle. We got together and broke up more than 10 times in the last five years during which time we had G and got engaged once before. 

It's not like we haven't tried being apart for good. We've both had other relationships during our breakups. But we both keep coming back to each other anyway. 

This time, we've been together for much longer than before. We didn't breakup at the first fight but worked through our issue instead. We had to work on our communication while he was away at bootcamp. Communication was a weakness of ours so this was great for our relationship. We are trying so hard not to make the mistakes that we did before. 

Because of this complicated past, none of our friends are supportive of us even dating again. I didn't just tell my friends, I had to defend it against friends. It was exhausting! It also took away the special feeling of being a newlywed a little. But I was able to tell my friends the truth! Is it a big deal that he took off his ring?

The Wedding

So yay I did actually get married yesterday! We went to the courthouse on my lunch break and were married before the judge. It may not have been the most romantic wedding but honestly it was exactly what I wanted. I'm not the type of person to want a big wedding. That's just too many people. I would also hate to try to plan the whole thing. There's just too many details I care absolutely nothing about! It's too bad planning the wedding is seen as the bride's job. I'd be happy if C planned the whole thing :P

We had to have a fast wedding because C leaves in less than a week. He recently joined the marines and he just finished bootcamp. Now he has 10 days leave before going back :( it's really had knowing he's going back so soon but this was his decision. We're both really independent people. While we discuss decisions together we both know that the other will do what he or she thinks is best even if the other disagrees. 

While joining the marines was his decision, following him to wherever they send him is left up to me. I don't want to be apart from him but my job and the kids' day care are both here. It would be hard to move. I've decided to compromise a bit. I'll follow him to one location. If he gets sent somewhere else, he can move back by us when he's out of the marines. He says he's only going to do the 4 years he signed up for, so it won't be that bad...

I need to keep my own plans flexible until I follow him. That, among other reasons, is why I'm choosing to live with my parents right now. I don't want a lease on an apartment if I have to break it in the middle and I don't want to deal with moving all the stuff for the 3 of us anyway. (A certainly has the most stuff even though she's not even 2 months old!) Thankfully my parents are ok with letting me and my kids stay there. Otherwise we'd have no choice but to move more often. 

It's weird; even though I'm living with them, I still haven't told my parents that I'm married. It's not a secret and I am wearing my ring. I just don't like talking about my personal life with them. We didn't have the best relationship when I was a kid and that hasn't changed much now that I'm an adult. I know I have to tell them sooner or later but this is probably the only part of the wedding that I don't feel the need to rush. 

Introduction

Hello Internet!

This is my first blog, not just as tax accountant mom (TAM) but first ever so forgive me if I make a mistake. 

So as you can guess from the title, I work as a tax accountant and I have some kids. I actually work at a small firm downtown and am currently pursuing my CPA. More on that in another post. I have two kids. Let's call them G and A. G is my almost 4 years old son and A is my 7 week old daughter. Life gets crazy now that there are two. 

At the moment I'm a single mom raising them but that should soon change. My boyfriend and I already applied for a marriage license and will hopefully be going to the courthouse today to get officially married. Why don't I call him my fiancé you ask. Well, he never actually proposed. This has been something we've been talking about for some time. We've talked about it long enough that the only romantic part about it is that we haven't told anyone about it. Surprise! Yay! (They all kind of expect it anyway.) I'll discuss our relationship more in another post too. 

About me: I'm in my early twenties. I live in the suburbs outside of a big city. I'm an extremely shy person. I tend to see the world in numbers. I'm not sure if this is what led to my career choice or came about after I started pursuing it. 

The purpose of this blog will be to replace the journals that I used to keep that I no longer have time for. Since it will contain a lot of my personal thoughts, I'm going to keep it anonymous and call myself TAM. I'm still debating whether I'm going to tell any friends and family about this blog although they are welcome to try to find it on their own. 

I guess that's it for my first post! Thank you for reading it. And hopefully you enjoyed it.