So Tired

My days are busy, as all mothers' are. It seems like there are never enough hours in the day to get done with everything I need to. Just yesterday I tried to knock shower, A's bath, and iron work clothes off my to do list. Even that kept me up past 11 pm! I still haven't filed for child support, studied for the CPA ethics exam, clean out my purse, rebuild G's bed, and that pile of laundry is getting big enough that it'll rejoin my list soon enough. Usually I would work on a lot of these things tomorrow (Fridays are half-days at work) but I already have to stop by DEERS and get my military ID done so A and I will finally have insurance.

I just want a night off. A night to finally sleep! I stay up past 10 pm every night even though I have to wake up for work at 5 am. I could do that schedule easy if I was able to stay asleep that whole time. But no. I'm up with A two to three times in those few short hours. I don't even get to sleep for four hours straight. I don't know how much longer I can do this.

This would be the perfect opportunity for a husband/ boyfriend/ anyone to step up and save me. Anyone? No? Oh, that's right, I chose to go through this alone. I could've stayed single and pursued a boyfriend who would be here to help with the kids. I could've given up my career to follow C where ever the Marines send him. Instead, I'm here alone because I want to have it all. I want to take care of my kids so they can grow to be happy and healthy. I want a career I can be proud of that also pays the bills. I want to be with the man I love and have loved since high school. I want the man I love to be happy and satisfied with his career. I want to spare G and A the trauma of moving from house to house growing up. Like I said: I want it all, even if it pushes me to the brink of exhaustion to pursue it all.

Where Is He?

C was supposed to go to MCT yesterday. While at MCT, he won't be able to use his phone. Well, yesterday morning he surprised me by texting. We talked until he was supposed to leave. (I was at work while we were texting. Bad, bad TAM...) But then he sent me a text saying he might get held back another two weeks because I haven't finished registering for our insurance. (I received the Power of Attorney on Monday but I still haven't gotten around to it. My bad!) Since then he still hasn't texted me back.

Did he go to MCT? Did they take away his phone as punishment? Did he simply forget to charge it and the battery died? I hate this. I hate not knowing :(

My Worries

Well, the weekend just ended. As with most weekends lately, I spent most of it texting C. It will be really tough when he leaves for his MCT training tomorrow because he'll be without his phone for the whole month. I've really gotten used to texting him everyday for these past few weeks. It's been great. I can almost pretend he's at his house only a short drive away. Things are a whole lot less stressful when I can pretend we aren't in a long-distance relationship but we are simply too busy to see each other. Of course, then we have certain conversations that shatter the image.

We talked about deployment. Technically, he can be deployed in as little as four months. It's the deployments that scare me the most about him being gone. That's where people change the most. Between killing people, people trying to kill him, his friends dying, and even possibly getting killed himself, how could he not change? He could get PTSD or die. He might come home someone totally new. I already love C the way he is and our relationship has never been stronger. What if I don't like who he comes home as? Or worse, what if he doesn't come home at all?

I cried throughout that whole conversation. He told me that he would probably do a minimum of two deployments. I just want him to be home with me. I want him to grow old with me and to watch our children grow old. I want to hug him and kiss him whenever I want. I want to make plans with him for our near future, not our future in four years. I don't want to worry about him constantly.

I love C, not the marines. I wish they didn't come as a package deal.

The Fourth of July

The fourth of July was yesterday. I was missing C all day. It was hard to hear all this stuff about veterans and see all these happy couples while knowing C was so far away. The small bright side was that he had a day off so he could text me all day. Even that will be gone soon. He starts MCT training on Tuesday and he can't use his phone there. Well, I still tried to make the 4th as fun as I could for G and A.

The morning started out excellent. A had slept through the night for the first time ever. Yay! I wasn't super tired in the morning! G and I went out for donuts for the family while my dad watched A. My family loves the Boston Creme ones, so eight of the dozen were Boston Creme and only four were patriotic. Oh well. They tasted delicious anyway.

My town does a parade down one of its main streets fairly close to my house. About an hour before, I put A in her stroller, packed a diaper bag, and got G ready to go. We walked the mile or so to the street. G was being very well-behaved and A was sleeping. We found a spot to watch and sat down. G didn't want to be in the sun so he sat behind the stroller in the shade rather than on the curb where he could see the parade.

About ten minutes before the start of the parade, some lady and her kid walk up to our spot and sit on the curb RIGHT IN FRONT OF US! They weren't even tiny people either. This was a fat, full-grown woman and her over 5 feet tall preteen son. They sat right in front of my tiny three year old! She even had the nerve to try to push A's stroller back so she could have more room! Good thing I had the parking brakes on so she couldn't move my daughter. I told G to sit on the curb right next to them so at least he would be able to see when the parade came by. Then the preteen's two friends come over and tried to join the two interlopers. They had the audacity to give angry looks to G for not moving off the curb so they could sit there. WTF! This wasn't even the worse part. Right as the parade is starting, the mother takes out a hooka and starts smoking RIGHT NEXT TO MY KIDS!!! I hate people so much! G wasn't into the parade that much either so he gladly left with me after only the first marching band came through.

The day got better from there. We met up with my sister-in-law and her two kids. One of them is only months older than G so they are great friends. The other one is two years old. She loves G but G is scared of her for some reason. It's pretty funny to watch her chase him while he runs away to be with his other cousin. My SIL had set up a pool for the kids and they had a lot of fun together. I got to eat a delicious tostada and enjoy some girl talk. The topic of pregnancy came up. We mentioned how funny it would be if I was pregnant because C and I only got to have sex once during his 10 day leave. I know it's possible but extremely unlikely. (Is it weird that I talk to his sister about our sex life? Clearly I don't tell her any details but she knows a lot more than I would want my brothers to know.) I invited her family to come to the fireworks with us but they declined.

Just G and I went to the fireworks. My dad watched A since she is still too young to go. We had fun. We played catch and ate snacks waiting for it to get dark enough for the show. We even danced when the band played one of his favorite songs. I love spending one-on-one time with G. He is growing up so fast and he without a doubt has his own independent personality now. I love getting to know who he really is even though it is exhausting most of the time.

The fireworks themselves were one of the worst ones I've ever been to. It was a windy night and the wind blew entirely in the wrong direction. Ash rained down on us for most of the performance. Bigger chunks fell too. I even saw some still lit embers falling within 6 feet of G. I wanted to leave early but G was enjoying himself. I didn't want to break the kid's heart. I spent the whole performance dreading the finale, so sure that something was going to hit us. Thankfully nothing did but it was still an awful fireworks year!

Where I Fit Into the Marines

C was telling me about an evening activity he was looking forward to yesterday. He and a couple other marines were going to jog up a mountain FOR FUN! I couldn't believe it. That definitely didn't sound like fun to me. He wants to keep training so when he goes to MCT, he will still be in great shape. Sounds crazy to me. My idea of fun is sitting on a comfy couch reading a great book while sipping delicious coffee. I'm not cut out for the Marines.

I've been reading up online about marine wives too. I'm not sure I want to define myself like that. Those girls (or at least the ones doing most of the posting on forums) are young and needy. They are kids who don't seem to have much going on in their own lives by the way the sit around pining for their marine. Don't get me wrong, I miss C so bad it knocks me breathless sometimes but I still have too much going on to sit around waiting for him. (I'm sure there are wives who aren't like this but I can't seem to find them.)

Are there any marine wives like me? Any marine wives who stick close to their parents so they will have a solid support system no matter where their marine goes? Any marine wives who love having their own career? Any marine wives who make more money than their husbands? Any marine wives that refuse to move more than once for the kids' sake?

Please reach out to me if you know someone like that. I feel like I'm all alone. I feel like I don't fit into the marine family at all.

Quest for the Notary, Part 2

Continuing my story... I had just found a Currency Exchange that stays open until 9 pm.

I race home after work as fast as the train will let me. I stop at home to pick up both kids and off we go. Thankfully, A sleeps the whole trip but G has boundless energy, the way only kids can. I takes a lot of effort to reign him in but I did. We even managed to cross a busy street with him behaving and me carrying A in her heavy car seat. Yay! I go to ask for notary service but the woman at the desk told me their notary employee has already left for the day.

Honestly, she was lucky I didn't go off on her. I realize it wasn't her fault at all but I was so frustrated. Why is it so hard to find a notary? Would I be able to find a notary at all? I felt like crying; I was so defeated. Instead, I just took my kids home.

I knew this had to be done the next day. We need these insurance forms. There was no question about that. So on my lunch break, I looked up currency exchanges near work. Once I found one within walking distance, I called to make sure the notary was in. So far so good. I went to find it.

I used GPS since I'm notorious for getting lost. It led me to this giant building with no address on the outside. I wasn't completely sure this was the right place, but I went in anyway. It was a mall. It had shops, a food court, and a license plate renewal location. There were also offices you can get to if you had a badge. I walked all around it. No Currency Exchange. I called them to ask for directions.

Well, it turns out that there was a door hidden behind the elevators that leads to a train station. The Currency Exchange was right next to the station. I would have never found it on my own! A huge line and $1 later, I was done. I succeeded with my quest!

Of course, I still need to sign Power of Attorney papers for C and visit the DEERS office but for now I'm done.

The Quest for the Notary

We still need to add A to C's insurance. Because she's not biologically from him, I had to fill out a special form and get it notarized. Now this is simple enough... in theory.

The quest started on Friday. I have only four hours of work on Fridays due to summer hours scheduling. After work, I printed out the form and filled it out. I had planned on going to the notary right away but I had to pick up G and A from day care and the notary closes early. (I had planned on going to the UPS near my house.) I didn't bother with the search the whole weekend.

Monday came. I walked to a UPS near work on my lunch break. I got lost and walked right past it. Twice. When I googled the location, the search failed to mention that the UPS was in the basement of a hotel. It wasn't even a normal hotel. It was a fancy rich hotel that made you program the elevator by buttons outside of the elevator before you stepped inside! Of course I didn't realize it until I got into the elevator with another person and she looked at me like I was crazy. As if all elevators have buttons on the outside! 

Finally I made it to the UPS. I asked about their notary and the worker there said that the notary employee was on vacation. All that trouble with getting lost and the funky elevator was for nothing! Ugh! She gave me the number of another UPS. This time I was going to be smart; I called first. The notary there was on vacation too! I walked back to work defeated. I definitely shouldn't have worn high heels while on my errand. Ouch my feet hurt!

Well, I really needed to get this done so while walking back I called the UPS by my house. What did they tell me? The notary employee was on vacation! If I ever lose my tax accountant job, I'm going to become a notary. They clearly get a lot of vacation time.

This is where I stop trying to use UPS. I google other notaries. One, a FedEx, is fairly close to work. I plan on going there until I notice the first review of the place: this location does not offer notary services even if google says it does. UGH!!!

I look up notaries by my house. A bunch of currency exchanges pop up. I look at all the nearby ones. All the suburban ones close at 6 pm but I don't get back until 6:30 pm so those are out. There is one in the city near C's house that stays open until 9 pm. I plan to go there as soon as I'm done with work.

To be continued...