Well, the weekend just ended. As with most weekends lately, I spent most of it texting C. It will be really tough when he leaves for his MCT training tomorrow because he'll be without his phone for the whole month. I've really gotten used to texting him everyday for these past few weeks. It's been great. I can almost pretend he's at his house only a short drive away. Things are a whole lot less stressful when I can pretend we aren't in a long-distance relationship but we are simply too busy to see each other. Of course, then we have certain conversations that shatter the image.
We talked about deployment. Technically, he can be deployed in as little as four months. It's the deployments that scare me the most about him being gone. That's where people change the most. Between killing people, people trying to kill him, his friends dying, and even possibly getting killed himself, how could he not change? He could get PTSD or die. He might come home someone totally new. I already love C the way he is and our relationship has never been stronger. What if I don't like who he comes home as? Or worse, what if he doesn't come home at all?
I cried throughout that whole conversation. He told me that he would probably do a minimum of two deployments. I just want him to be home with me. I want him to grow old with me and to watch our children grow old. I want to hug him and kiss him whenever I want. I want to make plans with him for our near future, not our future in four years. I don't want to worry about him constantly.
I love C, not the marines. I wish they didn't come as a package deal.
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