The Best Friend

Here's the story about my former best friend:

I used to best friends with this girl from preschool through high school. We did everything together. I would tell her everything and she would do the same. It was a textbook childhood friendship. We never needed to work on it because we never had any major obstacles to face. Life was good.

Then came the senior year of high school. First it was awesome. We would rock out to Justin Timberlake's "Sexy Back" together. It was at its peak and he was both of our celebrity crush of course. This was the same time I met C. This best friend did not like C or any of his friends. She would tell me that they were a bad crowd. Now I saw where she was coming from. We all worked together in a grocery store but unlike us, C and his friends did not go to school. They had all dropped out by that point. They would stay out late and drink most nights of the week. This lifestyle was not for me but I was so infatuated with C that it really didn't matter.

I was working at the grocery store a lot even though I was in school. I spent a lot of time with C and his friends. I would even go hang out with them during school nights when they were drinking. However, I did not drink with them and I did not stay out that late. My grades did not suffer one bit from these activities.

(Side note: my grades during this time were actually the highest they had ever been. I always took challenging classes which meant I was an A/B student. I made a deal with my mom when I was 18. If I got straight A's for that first semester of my senior year, I would have no curfew the second semester. I was successful getting straight A's. After I fulfilled my end of this deal my mother changed the terms to me having no curfew on weekends only as long as I was back by a decent hour. This was yet another major problem I had with my parents.)

So to continue the story, I would hang out with the "bad kids" but I wasn't really acting like one. My behavior wasn't that wild as far as high school students act. But my best friend began to pull away from me. She said she did not like who I was becoming. She told me we could no longer be friends. I'll admit it. That hurt. So much for friends forever.

About two years after that she contacts me through Facebook. She says she had made a mistake cutting me out of her life before. She wanted another chance to be friends. I gave her that chance. She was actually the one who drove me to the hospital at 5:30 in the morning when I had G. C was asleep and didn't answer his phone. We were able to keep up our friendship for another year and a half.

We would always hang out with our two other friends, her boyfriend, and my brothers. It was fun for a while. Then I got into a nasty fight with one of my brothers. He not only said mean things to me, he insulted G saying he should never have been born. I hate my brothers. I told my friends about this fight immediately and told them that I never want to hang out with my brother again. My social life should be fun, not stressful. Not even a month later, they planned an event and invited my brothers. I, of course, refused to go. My friend got so mad at me. She yelled at me for "breaking up the group." That was that. She cut me out of her life once more.

Earlier this week, she contacted me on Facebook once more. She said that she missed our friendship. I couldn't do it. I can't let her back in my life once more. It hurts every time she abandons me. I certainly have enough going on right now. I'm a wreck from C being away. I feel guilty for not being nice to this former friend but I just can't take anymore. C was always there to make me feel better before when she left. He can't comfort me now.We aren't even friends and this guilt thing is making me feel so bad!  I can't win!