Defining Family

C said that he will probably come back for Thanksgiving! Yay! He also said that I should let him know my schedule so we could pick a night to spend together. That's the good news. There's bad news. Of course there's bad news. I asked where he wanted to spend Thanksgiving on the assumption we would spend it together. His family doesn't do much and he doesn't like spending time with my family so I offered to cook for him. (My parents will be in another state so we could have a nice dinner just the four of us.) He said no, he'll spend the holiday with his family.

Two things I find wrong with that.

1) He wants to spend the holiday apart from us.

Holidays are supposed to be spent with the people who matter most to you. Why doesn't he want to see me and the kids? Why won't he invite us with his family? Do we even matter at all to him. At one point during C's last visit, he was planning on not seeing us one weeknight because he made other plans with his friends. He was going to blow us off until I reminded him how upset G would be. He accused me of trying to make him feel guilty for wanting to have fun until I reminded him that I'd be the one to deal with G's crying. After that, he decided to meet his friends a little bit later so he could see G. I know he cares for G so it must be me he doesn't value.

2) I'm not included as a part of his family.

At what point does the definition of family change? Clearly a girlfriend is not family. But surely a wife would be considered family? Kids should definitely be considered family. Why have I not been elevated to the "family" definition? Why is his family his parents, brothers, and sisters but not G, A, and I? When will he treat me with respect befitting a family member?

Maybe that's the problem. He's treating me like a girlfriend. It's acceptable to blow off a girlfriend to spend time with friends. Girlfriends aren't always included in holiday plans. Girlfriends are not family. But I'm not his girlfriend! I'm his wife! We are supposed to have a special bond more important than any friendship! Or is my definition wrong? I certainly don't feel that special to him. Why did he even bother to marry me if he didn't want the family role that came along with it?