Here's the story of A's first six weeks and my attempt to go back to work:
My job does not offer paid maternity leave. I can use as much of the PTO that I've accrued and all the earned overtime PTO from tax season. After that, I'm left with unpaid time off. With countless bills to pay, being unmarried at the time, and C was away at boot camp (AKA unreachable) I depended on my pay checks. Despite an extra 96 hours of time off from the two month long busy season, I did not accrue enough time off when A was born in April. I had no choice but to try to return as soon as possible.
G is in day care. Despite a few administrative problems I've had with them, overall I like his day care. I trust them. I wanted A to go to the same day care. They don't accept kids younger than six weeks old and I only had three weeks of PTO. I needed to find a babysitter.
I thought about the people who I know that would have time to watch A during traditional work hours. Luckily, college courses were out at that time and one of my brothers was in college. He didn't want to do it but one of his friends agreed to do it. (This friend was a guy but don't take my experience as an example that all guys make awful babysitters. I truly believe that that blame falls on the individual, not the gender.) We worked out the hours he would need to be here and the rate I would pay. He can over one day so I could show him how to take care of A. That was that! I was worried the first day I went back to work but all mothers are.
It was awful! I'm glad nothing worse happened but I still get heart palpitations when I think about what my baby went through that day! It started off bad. He had planned on sleeping over the night before so he wouldn't be late and so he could have some extra time to hang out with my brother. It turns out that he stayed up past 4 am, knowing he had to wake up at 7 am. I heard them still playing their video games in the basement when A woke up for a feeding. It got worse.
He didn't pay attention to me when I told him about how to feed my baby. I chose to formula feed for personal reasons. He didn't listen to how to make the formula or how often she should eat. He mixed one scoop of powder with 3 oz of water when it was supposed to be one scoop with 2 oz of water. Worse, he only fed her once. Meaning from 7 am when my parents left until 4:30 when they got back, my three week old daughter only had one bottle. My brother and his friend were wondering why she cried the whole time! They were starving her! My poor baby! She had food right there but they didn't think to feed her again! She ate every two hours with me!
I was so mad; I couldn't even look at him.
The next day I needed him to babysit again so I could talk to my boss about taking unpaid time off. I wrote down extremely detailed instructions that a child could follow. I left my cell phone number and my work number. Screw the bills; my daughter needed me.
Thankfully, I have a very understanding office manager. She talked to the partners after I told her my plan and got them to agree to let my PTO hours go negative so I could still receive paychecks. My dad was also a huge help. He took off a few days each week so I wouldn't have to miss as much work. (Good news: I finally break even on my time off at the end of October. Starting mid-November, I can take a day off if I need to!) I was able to avoid financial ruin while still making sure my kids are taken care of.
I still wonder from time to time just how stupid my brother and his friend are. They saw me feeding A a lot those first few weeks. They heard me complain that she's constantly eating. I explained that she should not be fed with less than an hour between bottles but longer than that it's ok. Why didn't they realize she needed to eat? I can't blame their age. They are twenty! I figured out who to take care of G when I was nineteen. I had no experience with babies before him. He was the first baby I've ever changed or fed. My brother has helped with G before. It's like they just didn't care enough about A. They didn't care with making sure she didn't starve. They didn't care if she lived.
I don't trust babysitters anymore. It's not worth the risk. I'd rather rely on (older) family members who have experience with kids.
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