I've always been shy, painfully shy. I guess it's more of a social phobia than "shy." I have incredible trouble talking with people. I never know what to say! As a by-product of this, I've had trouble with relationships with people. Sometimes, even when I've known people for a while, I can't talk around them. Many of my friends have abandoned me over the years and I have trouble making new ones. I think people get bored of me. For the most part, I've gotten used to it. I can't help it. I can't change it. I should just accept that about myself, right?
The problem is C. What if C doesn't like me anymore? What if our conversation gets too stale for him? We mostly communicate through text messages so this seems like a real possibility. I might bore him. Of course thinking that makes it worse. Suddenly every silence becomes an uncomfortable one. All I can think about is how I should be talking. Ugh! I panic! What do I say? I should say something, anything. But in that moment I can't. We already broke up once in our turbulent past because of this. I worry it will happen again.
I'll have trouble making friends if I move with him. I'm too shy. People don't like me. None of his friends even like me! If we have marital problems after I move to be with him, I'll have no one to turn to! I could easily end up alone because of this. I'm scared. I'll have no one...
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